When U Need A Shoulder To Cry On & Haider Ackermann L'Officiel Interview

11:42 P.M.

(First posted in Fridae)

2012-01-05 22:01

What do you do when you need someone to talk to? When you really need a shoulder to cry on? Just someone to sit with, who notices your state of sadness and need?

Do you:

1) Go watch a movie/TV show and after that forget about it?

2) Feel sad you have no one? Realize you have no one?

3) Go straight to work?

4) Pretend it never happened?

5) Look forward to tomorrow to begin a new day the right way? Consider today wasted?

6) Try to be rational about it and just flip it off in your mind?

7) Take a bottle of wine, sit in a corner?

I am sorry to say... I have to come here to talk about this.

By right, a person should have at least a close friend who feels that something has happened and asks you about it, or listens, or just leans forward for you to cry on without needing any words.

But such a friend, I do not have. Not here, not anywhere.

I wonder how many of you Fridae people here have people whom you can go to when you need comfort, help and just a shoulder.

I won't say whether you have or not, since I cannot say.

But when I need someone, just to sit with when I'm down, it's always just me, my words and my writing.

Human beings. 人間 Ningyan in Japanese. Ren Jian (the human realm) in Chinese.

The heart of a person... can be so shallow (referring to persons I know). That when you need help or just a human presence beside you, there is none.

This is what so-called friendship/relationship is.

Even a woman from here that I went out with just a few times, as a "friend", cannot even be called a "friend". Only an acquaintance.

Usually, I don't initiate correspondence via SMS. But tonight, I did. Nothing in particular, just... to have a response.

The response came and that was that. Nothing more from this person.

Just wanted a response... to comfort me. Just a reaching out from me via the SMS.

But this person.. I know is just using me for whatever reason. Just someone to fit into her schedule when it's convenient. That's all.

Yet, I allow it. To give chance, to just let things be.

Today, the problem was not her.

How many of you have problems with your mom and/or dads?

I think it's a common problem, that has caused many people to move out and find their own way in life, taking in rental mates to help split costs.

But...today, this problem is also not about moving out.

The incident today stirred up a lot of "buried" things.

Things that need to be continually covered up and put at the back of the mind, so that a person can try to be happy.

With that trigger, my entire day was ruined. It disturbed me very much.

When I feel this way, I just want to indulge in physical pleasure, physical "love". To feel loved, to make me forget.

While people turn to alcohol, I realize I turn to ... sex.

However, in reality I do not turn to sex. But I would like a woman to just make love to me, even if she's a stranger. I don't really care.

That is the feeling. I want to be picked up by a woman, brought to her home and made love to, to help me forget.

That is the feeling, that is the thought.

In the past, this thought and feeling would never have occured. Beyond thought. But somehow...4 years ago, my body naturally gravitated towards massage and the physical pleasure of it.

Some more years back, when I had a past love, it was engaging in bodily pleasure.

Put the 2 together...

Now, I appreciate sex, love-making, physical pleasure as a means of forgetting, of feeling love.

But nowhere can I get it.

Do I go to a whorehouse full of gay women? If only it were possible. If only such a place existed. Yeah, I think in such times, I would go to spend money, to enjoy professional company at professional prices like that.

Not just any whorehouse. I may even request a particular woman. And if she already has company.... well, then sadder for me.

When I feel like what I'm feeling... my first instinct is to wish for a friend with whom I can just call out and sit with. And not say anything, or maybe try to smile. But then this friend will be able to notice that something is bothering me, and will enquire what's up. I may or may not explain the problem, but I will certainly lean forward, against this person's shoulder and just bawl for as long as I need to.

And this person will not say a word, but just let me.

When it is over, I will just say, thanks, and buy this person lunch or dinner.

Is this considered "using" this person? No, because if this person comes to me with a problem, you can bet I'll try my damn-dest to help in any way I can.

As it is said: One good turn deserves another.

I never forget help or good work. Neither do I forgive easily if it cannot be forgiven.

Besides today, and also because of my backache, I'm considering more, that I want to check out a massage at Changi Village hotel, recommended by a woman here.

I told her I would check it out some time, but so far... never did. Apart from money consideration, Changi is also far for me.

But.. since she said they provide sensuous massage that she enjoyed...

It's worth checking out, since there aren't many spas providing such massage.

Previously, I told my bro that, a massage ... somehow activates a primitive part of the brain. It doesn't just feel good. It speaks to the mind as well.

It was difficult trying to explain to him.

A massage that's relaxing and soothing, activates the mind, in a way that exercise doesn't do. Exercise and massage are different.

After experiencing some very excellent massages, I believe massage is a necessary part of life. It is vital for a person's physical and mental well-being.

And it is a very powerful and helpful aid in coping with grief or psychological hurt, need or pain.

Today, back at the same restaurant for 3 days in a row... we were not served by the waitress Joy, but by a new girl.

Joy was there, I saw her. And I was disappointed that it wasn't her who came to take our orders.

Though the new girl was good (and nervous), it wasn't the same.

That, would be, I guess, the end between me and Joy. The end of...

I don't know. Feels like everything.

But I'm reminded of things I'd like to do. To keep at.

Now, as I type in the title of this post, the song by Tommy starts playing in my mind and I whistle it.

A song is well and good. But the reality of not having a shoulder to cry on, is not.

Yes, it's an old song. But the lyrics... when I first heard it, I played it over and over again. Never seemed to tire of listening to it.

It is a true song. Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on. Everyone needs a friend to rely on.

Touching. But unfortunately, there is no Tommy Page in my life. Will a search take me there?

(Update: I realized...quite sadly,  *faint smile* .. that Tommy Page's song is the only comfort I have. But.. typing about it here, and listening to his song.. helped. Wish it were true, that he would be there, "you'll always have my shoulder to cry on" "when the whole world's gone... "coz I'll be there". A comforting thought. Unfortunately, even Tommy Page has vanished. Where is he? I haven't heard any news of him passing.).

~~~~~~~~

Tonight, was needing physical comfort and since a body massage won't be ... (I don't know) sometime in coming...

I had to go for feet therapy at Nails @ The Lacquer Room Vivocity.

The staff there know me by name now. I'm a frequent visitor who doesn't make appointments, just walks in with the same requirements. And I never buy anything they promote.

So, I become memorable. They now realize I do not wish to improve the condition of my feet with anything they recommend, and just want to pay them to maintain my feet for me on site.

I go to smoothen my feet, and following that, the main reason/highlight: feet massage with Papaya or Mango Smoothie cream or scrub.

It's an alternative to a full body massage... make do with it.

It's my only physical indulgence that isn't too expensive. Which is why I always only go for that same "spa" treatment. I know exactly how much it costs every time.

I've tried a recommended "spa" or moisturizing treatment once, but...it didn't work for me, and not for that price.

Anyway, I always need a magazine while the lovely lady attends to me.

The ladies there always do a wonderful, beautiful and dedicated job. I really admire them for their skill and willingness to do such a job which to me, feels rather... insulting.

Their therapies extend to men as well. I saw an Ang Moh man there once, and a Chinese uncle. Pity the poor ladies who have to attend to their huge... difficult feet.

This time, I took a magazine off their counter. As usual, I just glanced at the cover and not at the title that's obscured anyway.

Read a very interesting interview with a fashion designer named Haider Ackermann.

Very very brief interview but I like this man and his very precise and very concise answers. "Economy of expression" hardly does him justice. :)

So, I memorized it as best as I could (but forgot some and need to be helped now with this website: http://patrimoine.jalougallery.com/lofficiel-singapore-numero_45-page_961-detailp-38-6967-961.html)

I was, after all, sleepy and enjoying very nice treatment by the lady doing my feet.

Who would you like to be represented by?

Instead of deciding, I'd rather be surprised... and the person wearing my creations leads her to me.

Who would you like to be approached by?

A stranger.

Who would you like to be provoked by?

A stranger.

Who would you like to be hated by?

A stranger.

Who are you amazed by?

I do not want to be amazed. I'd rather be seduced.

His 4th answer really woke me into thinking... this was an unusual man. Why would he want to be hated by a stranger as opposed to someone he knows? Perhaps, a stranger matters nothing to him. To be hated by a stranger, is to be safe.

The next answer ... is same as what I'd think. I prefer to be seduced. Be surprised. It's sexier. :)

His first answer already caught me a little, because he has no fixed idea, and would rather be surprised by whatever leads him to wherever it might lead. I like that. Personally, I feel this way too.

A few more questions... I like all his answers.

While memorizing, I realized I didn't know the name of the magazine. And looked for the title, that was unclear (blocked by the model's head?).

After a few pages ahead, I saw it was the November 2011 issue of L'Officiel. French.

I would like to get to know such a man. He looks Indian, and I was surprised by his views that I didn't think Indian people would tend to think.

His answers are very... open and interesting. I would like to know him, to know more. What is he really like.

Prior to reading his interview, I had never even heard of him.

Now, I would to see what kind of fashion he designs.

While Googling for that interview website, I glanced a comment somewhere that his designs are not loud...subtle?