Typical conversation with bro at home. I'm at the laptop in my room. He's cutting out pieces of paper with ...
Bro: I didn't buy bun.
Me (coming out of the room): What u say?
Bro: Didn't buy bun.
Bro: No money.
Me (pause): Go & draw lah.
Bro: Can Jesus provide bread to me?
Me: His bread is just a wafer. U think it's enough? And it's only .. every fri .. (thinks) or sat...
Bro: No, I saw his last supper table...there was bread.
Me: Was it real bread? (Or imaginary .. like water but illusion it to wine?).
Me (return to my room to type this).
Bro: I don't know how anyone can eat anything before you die. Quickly pack up & chao (run). Still sit there & last supper yourself. ... (he sits in master bedroom) ... Jurasilam...
Bro: The place he came from. Jurasilam.
Me: Jerusalem. He came from Nazareth. Nazareth is the capital of Jerusalem. Eh, Jerusalem itself is a capital, is it? Of what ah?
Bro: Im Zhai. (don't know).
Me (I laugh): U say it so funnily.
Bro: Yah mah. That place so luan (messy).
Me: *sighs while thinking & typing* (Sian this country... Singapore has nothing)
I think I left $20 in my bank account.
Bro: HUH??? Then...??
Me: Yeah, because they never give me any work. (Fucking shitty country that pays only $8-10/hr. And that's pure money. No CPF deduction. AND YET... still not enough to pay a single bill after 10-12 hrs of work. My utility bill is $105 for this month & it's due on 18 Jun. If don't pay it quickly... water supply will be cut.). Anybody who says "I love SG" must be stupid/mad or both/very free foreigners riding their damn bikes around.
3:28p.m.16 Jun Sat
Friday, 15 June 2018
I think I can. I think I can. I think I can. I just read Ken Seeroi. Discovering him is like discovering a new country. For an American, he has amazingly fabulous English. Better than me. I'm not jealous.
Not that I know Americans. I haven't come across one with such smoothly excellent English like his, I mean online in forums, blogs etc.., not books. And a gay IBM American consultant informed me that Americans, majority, are uneducated.
Your writing Ken, & all the comments under your post, makes me think that I can make it. It's do-able. I can live. There. With my brother. I can do this. I don't mind waking up to a window view of rice fields. I read of a 24 yr-old Singaporean guy who has been doing that for 2 years & on.
Just forget the fact that I felt irritable for no particular reason suddenly after a 2 weeks stay 9 years ago. Time really goes in a blink of 2 eyes. Home sickness? I don't know. I just felt totally pissed looking at all that fakery... fake bird calls from a train station... all that... Actually, now that I consider... I don't really know why I was irritable. I felt like if I stayed another week, I'd go nuts. Everything was pissing me off.
That was 9 years ago. Maybe it was an acclimatization phase? Like breaks when climbing Mt Everest? I never hear people saying they feel like they are going nuts in the first 2 weeks working overseas.
Whatever it was... I'm ready to go. I'm all get set in my brain. Reading your posts, I am already there. And got my ass covered, in as much as guesstimates based on reading allow.
Thankfully, I read fast. Reading heaps of research journals & texts in my university days, I scan through paragraphs of information as quickly as I can. And there is no time. I just stuff everything into my on-board computer brain. Something like Data. But wish I was Data.....he's faster.
U ask in your post why leave the home country. U wouldn't believe me even if I told you.
1:02p.m. Sat 16 June
Thursday, 14 June 2018
Wish I knew Oscar Wilde. Every time I think of him, I think "what a pity".
Wish I was born in England. I would have become a famous writer by now. The thought of Tolkien pops to mind.
Born in stupid Singapore. Nothing but a desert. Nothing but road blocks. Spiritually unclean.
Still struggling all these years. Where is my magnus opus??? I just read Wiki for more details on The Picture of Dorian Gray after talking to bro about how possible it is for a man to turn into a demon, & I am so impressed, so awed by Oscar Wilde & what he calls "art" in order for it to pass through his society at that time. What is so "art" about a man being both educated & a murderer? These days, it's common. Doctors do it all the time & with licences.
The Victorians are impractical people. Or maybe they just didn't have educated murderers in those days.
Singapore just spent 20 million for a photograph to shake hands with a man who killed his half-brother. If only that 20 million were given to the citizens struggling to pay bills that keep coming one after another.
I want to get out of this place. I want to hurry to complete my work.
I don't want to give tuition to people I don't know.
I don't want to work 10 hours clearing tables & doing crap for hotels under the title "banquet" & still not have enough to pay 1 bill.
I want to be free from Singapore. I will not miss it.
When I am rich & famous, I don't want to say that I am from Singapore. I don't want to see another Singaporean where I go.
I want a new citizenship. A new name. A new life.
I want to be free.
How to get it?
Fri 15 June 12:50 p.m.