(First posted in Fridae)
How did Play become Tantric?
2012-02-25 01:36
My previous profile intro said "Who wants to go to Play/Mink?". Yet I ended up on the 2nd level of Tantric (gay men's bar) on Thursday night 23 Feb.
Preference was for 1-1, yet I ended up sitting before 3 friends of "morimoto" (the Fridae contact who had sent message 3 days before on 20 Feb, asking if I would be going to Play on Thurs night).
On Thursday night around 8~9 pm, I was almost dozing off, assuming the night out to Play was cancelled, yet got out of bed, dressed, Googled for the location (with my bro's help) before rushing out to catch a bus.
At the end, as I walked away and down the stairs of Tantric, I wondered what "morimoto" had intended when she asked me out in her message here.
I have no idea. While I should have been angry that my time was wasted in such a manner, I merely considered it without much feeling.
Perhaps, because I had expected it to be worse. Or rather, when something is already expected, it doesn't come as a surprise.
Upon leaving Tantric and sitting in a bus, I smiled. Relieved to be free from an obligation to a person who even though not deserving of it, was nevertheless the recipient.
I was surprised by my own relief, without realizing I was holding onto the strain of not doing something right by an agreement.
My turning up to meet "morimoto" even though I was very tired and sleepy, even though I guessed it would not be 1-1, even though I felt she was not quite Ok, fulfilled the prior agreement that I would be there.
My presence there, even for a few minutes, fulfils it. Therefore, I went.
Besides, I was curious to see if what I thought was right. :)
(continuing... 26 Feb Sun):
On hindsight, it could have been a misunderstanding, though it felt like I had somehow been (intentionally) scammed.
Nevertheless, 3 positives did come out of it and for that, I feel I should let it go without even mentioning it here.
Yet because the situation was so strangely curious, it has made its way here, on somewhat less steam than I usually post with.
It started with hearts. I sent her one when I saw her at my profile. She thanked me, which I felt was very rare and nice. Not many people bother to send a message of thanks for a heart (usually they will just send a heart back).
So, I replied that she was welcome and that her name was cute.
She replied that she was going to Play on Thurs and if I was going, we could meet.
The selection of Thurs was interesting because clubbing usually happens on Fri or Sat. However, if a person wanted a quieter time (for instance, to hang out with friends), Thurs would be suitable.
Also, it sounded she had the schedule already set for Thurs.
So I guessed she would not be alone, although it was also possible that she regularly went to Play to relax on Thurs nights that she had set aside.
I said I was cool to meet up and asked if we should meet somewhere and walk there.
She wasn't sure what time to meet, but probably 9~10pm.
I felt the early time selection was also interesting because usually clubbers would start late.
She offered her mobile number first, which I felt positive about. I offered mine in return and said to SMS in between the time or on Thurs, since the details had not been decided yet.
Till Wed, there wasn't word from her, making me wonder if it was cancelled. So, I SMSed to ask if we were meeting outside Play or....? (whether it was cancelled).
She said we could contact when we are inside.
Inside? Since I have never been to Play, I can only imagine looking for someone I had never met in a semi-darkness like Attica, Firefly or Gotham Penthouse (closed down).
Now, why would someone suggest meeting inside, rather than outside a club? I imagined she would wait more comfortably lounging alone on a sofa inside than waiting outside.
Then she said I could bring friends or anyone who was interested.
So, I asked, "So, you will be with friends?".
She did not reply.
That being the case, and no more SMSes from her, I assumed it was cancelled.
Thursday was a very sleepy day for me. Was too tired to even go out with Bro to the nearby mall when he asked if I wanted to.
Come nightfall, I had forgotten about having to meet anyone for the night, assuming it was already cancelled since no reply.
At about 8pm, I was in bed, re-watching Hana Kimi (Taiwan version) on Youtube on my phone, too sleepy to do anything else. Eyes were partly closing, and I was thinking of calling it a night.
At 8.09pm, her SMS came asking if I would be heading to Play later and that she was still at work.
Considering the question, I considered the answer.
First, she never replied whether she would be with friends. Second, I assumed the meet up was cancelled. Third, I was very tired (haven't been feeling particularly well) and almost sleeping. Fourth, it was most likely she would be with friends (but not telling me).
Should I go? (Bro told me to decline quickly before she left for the club).
If she had replied to my last message (whether she would be with friends), there wouldn't be this reluctance. There was also the casual, impersonal way of her SMS replies that didn't bode well. Plus, I was pretty certain she would be with friends but she wasn't saying it.
On the other hand, I had agreed to meet on Thurs night, and she could be alone after work, waiting for me.
Close to 9pm, I replied that I was very tired and asked if it was confirmed she was going.
(Wondering if she might say that since I'm tired, I'm excused. I had wanted to ask whether she was alone or with friends. If with friends, then I could be excused.).
In a minute, her SMS came that she was already at Maxwell. (Not sure if this was in response to my message since it was so quick).
Bro was right that I had taken too long to respond. She had already left work and arrived.
It sank me a little, since it meant I couldn't say no now. I said, I'm on my way if she was Ok to wait.
So, I got out of bed, tried Googling for Play's exact location and failing to find while the clock ticked. After some 15 mins, I asked Bro to help search for it while I got dressed.
It has been a while since I last looked around that area out of curiosity. I had wanted to have a look at Tantric after it was mentioned online, and went to look at Taboo and Play along the way. But I only stepped into Tantric for 3 mins and didn't enter the rest.
A subesequent occasion when I tried looking for Play again, oddly, I couldn't find it. So, this time, I needed Google map.
Google has this wonderful feature that Bro is very good at finding and using, where it shows an exact place in the day-time with zooming and 360 degrees viewing as though you are there.
Earlier, on Wed, it suddenly occured to me that I had never looked at her profile since her first message. (Yet I was going to meet her on Thurs).
What if she smokes? I don't think I can put up with another Fridae woman who gravitates to a trashbin like the one I once met, and having to breathe in her smoke.
I rushed to her profile to check--and it was the cleanest I've ever seen since being here. No hair dye, no smoking, no drinking (if I recall correctly), no piercing. Normal, boring, like me. Amazing.
Safe, finer, educated types of hobbies. Even finer than mine.
Her admonishing others for the lack of respect for another person (in asking for her pics), sounded so much like me when I used to be upset like that.
She sounded like she knew what respecting others meant. A positive point. How bad can she be if she understands respect?
Her profile was too good to be true. As it is said regarding scams online: If something is too good to be true, it probably is.
After viewing her profile, it occured to me I didn't know what her sexual preferences were. So I went back, thinking I missed out reading it (how could I have missed out something so important?).
It wasn't that I missed out. She didn't have the section "Things I'm Into".
Now, what sort of person would not have that section? Prudish? :) Pretender?
Nevertheless...
An agreement is an agreement. She was already there, and I was also curious to see whether my guesstimates/predictions were right.
If only she had been honest that she would be with friends and asked if I wanted to join them.
There is no point in me going and then discovering I have to sit with people I don't know without prior warning. I'd still leave. There is no benefit, so I don't know why she did it.
If she was just curious about my appearance, or if she wanted to freshen up her group with a new face, or just to get a kick out of controlling a situation.... I don't see how it benefits in a meaningful way.
So, tired as I was, let's go see whether it is as I guessed.
Just before I left the house, Bro said, "Be careful.". I guessed he meant watching out for traffic. He knew I had been needing my rest, but didn't say anything against my going (even though he said I should cancel).
He asked me to take a cab, but I felt there wasn't a need to.
While it was possible she was waiting for me alone, it was highly likely she was passing the time with friends, in which case, there was no special need for me to hurry.
At about 10.15 pm, I arrived, and walked fast through Chinatown to get to Maxwell food center.
Considering the time when she sent SMS about her arrival at Maxwell (at about 9pm), I would be 1.5 hrs late by the time I walked to Play.
Usually, I'm punctual. If she had replied to my last message about whether she would be with friends, I wouldn't be so late and rushing. I would have been early.
(While I might have declined if she had mentioned a group meeting, I might also have said yes. Her not replying to my SMS message spooked me into thinking the meet up was cancelled.).
(While I might have declined if she had mentioned a group meeting, I might also have said yes. Her not replying to my SMS message spooked me into thinking the meet up was cancelled.).
I SMSed her that I was on the way to Play.
However, she replied that she was at Tantric and asked if I wanted to go there first.
Tantric? I wondered why was she at the gay men's bar, instead of the agreed place we were to meet. Briefly, I didn't have a good feeling about it.
But then, considering she had been waiting for more than 1 hr... She perhaps got bored at Play and went to check out Tantric.
I said Ok.
As mentioned, having checked out Tantric some time back out of curiosity, I knew exactly where it was. Sometimes, a bus will take me past it. So, getting to it was easy.
In the middle of the road, sits a church. To its left, the lane leads to Play. To the right, a main road leads to Taboo and Tantric.
Reaching Play, I merely had to turn back to the church and cross over.
Arriving at Tantric... guess who I saw coming out of a blue cab?
As I approached the entrance, 2 persons emerged from a cab, standing outside and looking up into Tantric.
The one behind, I assumed was a woman from her size, though I didn't actually look.
Standing behind them, I looked up also, into the semi-dark courtyard with its lounging people and smoke.
Wondering if the two persons were getting in and waiting for them, I noticed the first person stalling ahead at the threshold, seemingly uncertain about going in.
Large, tall and in a yellow veil shawl. As the person turned, I saw the right-side profile of a hooked nose and dark complexion.
Oh, Kumar.
What's he doing here? (Then again, this is a gay men's bar, so it shouldn't be surprising he's here).
(Now in hindsight, I wonder if he owns the place or is one of the owners?).
2 young guys in black had gone near them as the two exited the cab, so I assumed they were together.
However, as I stood behind looking up and waiting for the two persons to enter Tantric, and feeling uncertain about my own entrance, they noticed me.
Surprisingly, Kumar stepped back with the others, and I went forth.
The 2 black guys quickly took positions on either side of the entrance, with the one on the left saying in a formal tone as I passed, "Welcome to Tantric".
Wahh, that never happened when I was here previously. At that time, nobody greeted me as I hung outside with the bouncers staring at me until I asked if I could go in and they unstiffened with a welcoming "sure, sure".
This time, to have a formal greeting like that at the entrance... I must be looking pretty cool. Bro had said I looked cool, using the term that we have for the look.
Behind me, I wasn't aware of Kumar or anyone else following. Subsequently, I didn't see Kumar in there. I guess maybe he felt the place wasn't suitable and went back into the waiting cab.
As on the previous occasion, supposedly gay men glanced up from the tall tables as I stepped into Tantric's courtyard and walked through. I suppose it's only natural to see who enters and leaves.
A few women in black, bare-backed dresses were also there.
Avoiding breathing in the smoke, I went into the shophouse where a long bar counter stretches with plenty of empty space to sit around on cushioned bar-stools on this Thurs night.
Previously when I was there, the place was packed with testosterone with only standing space.
The stools were neatly lined along the walls, so I just sat on one nearest the door and SMSed that I had arrived.
But it didn't seem she received it, since 6 mins later, she asked me to inform her when I had arrived.
Thinking perhaps connection was bad inside, I stepped out . I asked whether she was here and that I was already sitting inside Tantric.
No reply for quite a while, making me wonder if it was a prank.
I began typing the message that I would only wait for another 5 mins before leaving.
While considering the message, the phone rang and I got off my seat while saying "hello".
Standing across from me, just outside, was a woman holding her phone to her ear. A woman with similar facial features as a Taiwanese woman I had fired recently.
There is something about facial features that tell about a person.
Nevertheless, I brushed that aside and said, "Oh." with unsmiling surprise.
She didn't say a thing or smile as she looked me eye-to-eye. Then she led the way up the side where I hadn't known was the stairs.
I said I didn't know Tantric had an upstairs, and thought we were supposed to be at Play?
She smiled back that "we" came to Tantric because there were gays in Play.
For a moment, I didn't catch that. What in Play?
Gays, she repeated as she reached the top of the stairs and pushed open the door.
It baffled me as I went up the stairs. Gays in Play and that's why "we" are in Tantric?
As guessed, I was led to a cosy corner where 3 persons sat in a big, black, plush sofa with a table in front.
Approaching, was not a pleasant feeling. I did not get out of bed for this, although I had a brief secret fantasy of being invited by a woman who secretly didn't mention her friends and then they subsequently, sexually enjoyed me.
I tried to smile without grimace, at the 3 young persons sitting there who looked rather surprised and clueless at who/what was coming to their table.
"Morimoto" sat on the right of the sofa bench opposite the trio, while I took the left.
She introduced me, by saying and pointing to me and her, "We don't know each other. I haven't met her before.".
I wasn't pleased to hear the disassociation.
Nice intro, eh? (after all my hurrying there). Shouldn't the correct/usual introduction be "This is X" and these are my friends, "X,Y and Z."?
Then, she said to me with a smile, "These are my friends." sounding and looking as though proud of them as her friends but not with me as an acquaintance.
Two young guys were on either side of a young Chinese woman. A light-colored Indian on the left and a Chinese on the right.
All in their 20s, I was guessing. All sounding locals.
Surprisingly, they were very nice, asking for my name.
After I said it, they didn't catch it, so I repeated. Then they introduced themselves, one at a time, presenting a hand for me to shake.
Unfortunately, after all that walking and perspiring, and then chilled by the air-con sitting in the Tantric downstairs, my hand was cold (and luckily dry).
Their names fell through the sieve of my mind at the time, since I was preoccupied with the thought of leaving.
However, it must be said that those 3 persons were very nice. Might have been better had it been a different situation.
While I liked the young woman who was very gungho in being the first to introduce herself, presenting her hand pointing down and forwards, elbow out, her name escaped me.
Hand pointing down and forwards with the elbow out--I thought was a rather outdated way of presenting a masculine directness/forwardness that seemed artificial.
From her body language and behavior, there seemed no doubt she was having a positive/favorable opinion of me. At the start, she watched my face while talking to the guys, glancing for my reaction or to see if I was looking.
I wasn't looking at them.
While they talked and laughed, I turned my attention to the layout and ambience of the room. Interesting place, cozy, classy, Victorian-ish, though small. Interesting photos, framed, along the walls.
Interesting that the decor made the room look like an altogether different place than downstairs.
A large TV at the top of the wall was playing a British drama that I wished to know the title to, above the sofa beside the trio's. In the sofa, two short, youngish gay guys lay against each other, watching an identical TV across the room, playing the same drama.
No sound came from the TVs, and an empty bar counter was to the right of the room.
Some time in between, "morimoto" said that her 2 guy friends were gays while the young woman was... a "lesbo"? (not sure if I heard right since it was said very quickly and casually).
By her "masculine" presentation, I would guess the young woman was gay.
It seemed she was curious about me and interested in a wide-eyed sort of way.
At one point, I realized she had clasped her hands over her crossed knees, as I was doing. Whether she was conscious of it or not, she was mimicking me.
In interviews, if you wish to gain favorable response from the interviewer, subtly/discreetly copy what he/she is doing. The interviewer will then feel there is a "rapport" between you and him/her, making you a more favorable choice to hire. I learnt this from body language lessons taught to me a long time ago.
Whether she knows of this body language, I don't know. But she was getting me to see favorably of her.
Unfortunately, a youth untouched by the realities of the world, has no appeal to me.
While the trio talked about their drinking experiences and laughed at the young woman who recounted her reaction to an alcohol she had drank in the past, the Chinese guy abruptly glanced up and asked me, ""How old do you think she is?".
Offhand, one might think 18, as the number showed in my head (if they could read thoughts, they would know this answer to be wrong).
However, as I looked at her face and into her eyes for a few moments while she looked seriously back at me, I guessed 20+.
However, as I looked at her face and into her eyes for a few moments while she looked seriously back at me, I guessed 20+.
They seemed impressed and wowed that "that was a new high". So, I guessed I was the first to get it right.
She wanted to know if it was because of her presence in "this place". I smiled slightly, said no. (Though I'm not quite sure what she meant, I didn't think age has anything to do with being in a gay bar.).
I thought she should have asked if it was her dressing. But even then, it wasn't the clothing.
The Chinese guy said if she wore shorts and stuff, I might not have been able to guess. (Earlier, he was trying too hard to sound gay, conscious of my eyes on him).
Had they pursued for a number, I would have given it and believe I would have been quite right as well.
At the start, a few minutes after we sat down, "morimoto" had turned to me and said there was no obligation for me to stay, and that I could leave if I wanted. Or if I wanted to go to Play, we could also go.
I glanced to see what the trio thought of going to Play, and it seemed they didn't hear (or pretended not to have heard) as they talked.
It didn't seem like they would uproot to go to Play.
After making the effort to meet with "morimoto", expecting a 1-1 meet up at Play and ending up at Tantric instead, facing persons I didn't know... She now says there is no obligation for me to stay.
I smiled slightly at her and turned away. Why should I leave and show myself to be as poorly managed as her?
At least, a stay of a few minutes was in order.
Meanwhile, the Indian guy was nice enough to talk a little with me. He seemed curious about me (as the other two were), and he was quite interesting to talk to and quite cute. :)
From him, I learnt that entering Play before 10pm grants free access in and out. After 10pm, it's $15. (A Fridae acquaintance had already told me this before, but I had forgotten.).
Thursday, he said, was also gay women's night. That's why they preferred Tantric. (I wondered, what about the gay woman with you guys? Doesn't she get a say in preferring Play?).
He continued that "morimoto" didn't like Play for the reason. I was about to confirm it with him when I realized I could ask her sitting right beside me.
Did she not like Play because of the theme and that's why she was at Tantric? (I wanted to find out whose/which side was she on, gay or not).
She smiled it away, indicating the trio, "They wanted to come to Tantric.".
How convenient.
After a suitable time, I turned to "morimoto" and informed that I was going to check out Play.
As I got up, it took the Indian guy a moment to realize I was leaving, and he expressed cute and loud disappointment, "OH? You are leaving?" as though my presence was appreciated.
I repeated I was going to check out Play. Given my earlier interested questions about Play, it served as a good excuse to leave.
As I walked away, I heard them say "bye" and slightly said it in return without looking back.
Throughout the whole time, "morimoto" didn't join in the trio's conversations, but merely watched as though she were an older chaperone. Neither did she talk to me, unless I talked to her.
I found that most strange.
After walking out of Tantric, I stood at the bus-stop just outside, across the road.
I considered going over to Play for real, but didn't see the need to pay $15 when I could check it out next time before 10pm and get free access.
If every Thurs night was gay women's night, I could go another Thurs if I wanted.
Wondered if by not going, I might perhaps miss a chance meeting someone interesting (who might not be there another time), but I thought if it was meant to be, there will be a next time.
After a while of waiting, I walked further down, past Maxwell to another bus-stop and caught a bus back.
On hindsight, it was possible she didn't receive my SMS about whether she would be with friends. Just as she might not have received the SMS I sent to say that I had arrived at Tantric (and thought it was a connection problem).
Still, I wasn't told we would be meeting others. I was specific about going to Play or Mink. Yet this was conveniently and unapologetically used for her own occasion at Tantric, with the remark that I had no obligation to stay when I was there. The offer to go to Play never happened.
Still, I wasn't told we would be meeting others. I was specific about going to Play or Mink. Yet this was conveniently and unapologetically used for her own occasion at Tantric, with the remark that I had no obligation to stay when I was there. The offer to go to Play never happened.
Overall, the 3 positives were:
It could have been worse ("morimoto" might have been crazier), her friends were nice to meet, and I found I still have the cool-look effect on people with the right haircut :) (that I just had from QB, not even from a salon this time).
I don't think the clothes I wore were anything special.
As bro said when I asked what gives the "cool" look, it's the face and blue glasses (I don't think he mentioned the hair. He never thinks it's the hair though I always say it is.). He said if the face were longer, I'd look even more like my favorite actor.
Mm. Well, while that sounds nice and makes me happy, I think it has to be taken with ... a lot of doubt. :)
I don't look masculine. Bro means the "cool-look" effect of the actor.
